Sport

While some people are obviously over the moon about the non-result in the AFL Grand Final, to me it highlights one of the many flaws of Australian football. To think that a game can go on for so long with no result is ridiculous in the instant-gratification 21st Century. And that's why I have decided to announce the launch of Extreme Australian Football, a new sport with rules that will please the diehard fans along with the people who just couldn't be bothered dedicating an entire afternoon to watch one game. With cricket moving away from the five-day game to 20-20, this sure make sense. While they've yet to crystalise, here's what I have come up with so far:
+ Two 25-minute halves
+ Non-stop play. The game goes on regardless. When a ball goes out of touch, another is thrown in straight away.
+ One five-minute multiball session per half; with five balls on the field and all goals and points counted. (Think pinball.)
+ Real tackling, around the legs as well as the waist.
I've already floated this on Twitter, and other suggestions include allowing players to jump into the stands to follow the ball, and the addition of a (presumably female) lingerie league. I reckon this has got potential, certainly for television. Are you with me?

How fortunate was Broncos legend Alfie Langer when he fronted court on a drink-driving charge? He escaped without a conviction but with an eight-month driving disqualification and a $1000 fine after being caught driving three times over the legal limit. Today, a Bowen Hills man faced the Brisbane Magistrates court on a similar charge. The 39-year-old pleaded guilty to drink driving after he returned a blood alcohol reading of 0.176 per cent, more than three times the limit. He was disqualified from driving for 10 months, fined $1200 and a conviction was recorded. Of course, not all cases are the same and can be directly compared, but it is interesting ...

On Channel 7 Brisbane News, rugby league great Allan Langer has told how he has received hate mail in the wake of his drink-driving conviction. "Alf" - who was videoed at a Brisbane pub dancing on a table top in his underwear before he went behind the wheel - spoke openly to reporter Pat Welsh about telling the news of his night’s behaviour to his wife Janine, his children and his mum. "I shouldn't have been in the car at that time ... and I've learnt a big lesson," he said. Langer also commented on the fallout from the footage that was taken at the Normanby Hotel: "There was a little offer from Dancing with the Stars, but looking at the video, I don't think I've got much hope."
PS: Reports that Langer had had "eight to 10 pots of Fourex" at the Normanby seem a little off the mark. The pub doesn't have Fourex on tap.
Meanwhile, the ABC is boasting that The 7.30 Report's Kerry O'Brien has secured an exclusive interview with US President Barack Obama. It will screen on Thursday night.

On 612ABC this morning, Robert "Crash" Craddock and I spoke about the behaviour of Sam Newman and Brendan Fevola, and the double standard where one got the sack from The Footy Show and the other didn't. I didn't say this on air, but I was quite disgusted to see on news websites a lot of comments saying "leave Sam alone" and "don't watch it if you don't like it". Well, I don't watch it, but that doesn't deprive me of the right to say Newman should be taken off the air. Why? Because his behaviour, as condoned by Channel 9, brands me and all other Australians as moronic, racist trash. Racism is a big issue in sport, and Newman's remarks should be condemned not just by the network he works for, but by the AFL, other sporting bodies and all Australians who care about the world in which we live and how others see us.

I don't want to give anybody any ideas -- except the people in charge of security at Suncorp Stadium (a.k.a. Lang Park). A friend of mine was invited to a corporate box at a recent big game, and part of his host's package was a car-parking space under one of the stands. When they drove in, they had to show some sort of evidence that they were corporate members, but there was no attempt to check the vehicle or the bonafides of the passengers. Sounds like a case for an urgent review.

After my good-natured stoush with Peter Dick today (hopefully I'll be able to post some audio here later), 4BC.com.au has put up a poll "As a Queenslander do you prefer sports or the arts." I don't really think people should have to choose between the two, I just want the media, and the world in general, to recognise that Australians are not simply sports-mad bogans; they have a range of interests, including the arts. But, hey, if you want to vote, go ahead.
PS: Here's the audio from my encounter with Peter Dick on 4BC. You'll notice that he gets the last word:

It's good to know that Peter Dick from 4BC (or his producer, at least) follows this blog. He gave me a bit of a spray today about this morning's deliberately provocative item about Australian not being as sports-mad as we're made out to be. Here's what he said:

While Peter makes a good point about attendances being up for the footy, I think he should also note that big theatre events (like Phantom of the Opera, Billy Elliott, Wicked! and Cats) attract far more people during their runs than regular sports fixtures. And, when you account for movies and gallery and museum visits, arts activities are far and away more popular than any sport. But do we see Anna Bligh (who is also the Arts Minister, by the way, but you'd hardly know it) on television wearing a T-shirt promoting the next Queensland Theatre Company play or Opera Queensland production? No! Do we see her pumping tens of millions of dollars into a second major theatre venue -- as she did with the Carrara football stadium on the Gold Coast even after pledging that the new Gold Coast AFL team would have to play at the Gabba (and then doing a spectacular backflip just before the election). No! And do we see any political support for a big community event like Warana? No! I'm simply sick and tired of picking up a newspaper, or listening to the radio, or watching the TV, and being told that the result of last night's footy game was bigger news than anything else going on in the world. Good luck to those who love their footy, but by my reckoning there's at least 18 million Australians who couldn't give a toss. And, somehow, we're the ones who are made out to be "unAustralian" (whatever that means). To portray us all as something we are not does us, and our country, a disservice.

For no other reasons than B105 sent it to me and it's Origin day, here's a picture of breakfast funnyman Stewart Davidson (a.k.a. Stav) putting a Snuggie (a.k.a. a daggy piece of clothing promoted on TV infommercials) over the statue of Wally Lewis (a.k.a. The King) outside Suncorp Stadium (a.k.a. Lang Park).

As the third and final 2009 NRL State of Origin game looms large, I'd like to make one thing perfectly clear: I am not anti-sport. I (very briefly) played Aussie rules as a child; I used to support Easts in the old QRL competition (even though we lived in Wests territory); I've been to one or two Origin games and a few NRL fixtures at Suncorp Stadiun; I went to the Gabba a couple of weeks ago to watch the Lions trounce the Demons; and I was even in the studio audience for The Footy Show a few years ago. On top of that, my mother and sister are Broncos season-ticket holders. Having said all that, I get extremely annoyed by the presumption, reflected in the media and political circles, that Australia is a football-mad nation. Why?